8 Things I’ve Learned About Trying to Live Up to Expectations
By Lauren Williams
There are so many expectations of women today. Women should wear skirts, keep their legs shaved, not sleep with too many people, not curse, smile because everything is always okay, go on a diet because they’re not thin enough, and simultaneously be the perfect superhuman working mom. The roles that we are expected to play don’t align with the truth of everyone’s desired journey. Unfortunately, in order to keep the peace and to be accepted, we often adjust who we are to please others.
After interviewing 40 women about the unrealistic expectations that they have felt required to live up to, I realized that our conversations fell into five categories: relationships, careers, self expression, wellness, and personal growth. Here are a few things I learned in each category.
Relationships
The expectations that are placed on women come not only from society, but from our family, friends, significant others, and even from ourselves.
Our parents are the biggest culprits. They expect us to live up to the dreams they’ve always had for us (including some dreams they had for us before we were even born). Letting them down by not living up to who they think we should be, can be reeaaaalllyy tough. You can appreciate all that your parents have done for you while simultaneously choosing what you know is best for yourself.
The expectations of being married by 30 and having kids before 35 don’t have to be goals.
We all know the timeline. Graduate high school, get into a good college, get a well paying job, get married by 30, and have a kid before your biological clock stops ticking. Podcast guests made it clear that it’s more important to find the right person than to meet a deadline, and that you can also start a family using alternative methods. You have options.
Careers
3. The internal belief that I am not good enough stems from imposter syndrome. But those are feelings, not facts.
There’s data that shows that many women apply to jobs only when they meet 100% of the qualifications while men will apply when they meet 60%. Girl, you are qualified and you are good enough. Don’t let your feelings of self doubt hold you back because the fact is that your accomplishments speak for themselves.
Self Expression
4. Deciding to do what makes you happy will often make others uncomfortable. Do it anyway.
Choosing to authentically express yourself sometimes means you have to put the desires of others aside. Putting their desires aside may lead to them feeling hurt and they may disapprove of your actions. But here’s the thing, you’re not responsible for how they feel about what brings you joy. That’s on them to work out amongst themselves. As they see you living your truth, over time, it will inspire them to live theirs.
5. The belief that women should be polite rather than use their voice needs to be changed NOW.
No one will advocate for you more than you advocate for yourself. I’ve learned that it’s ok to be polite up until the point that your needs aren’t met. At that point, the smile must go, and you have to get serious about what’s in your best interest. You can use your voice to get a raise and to make your doctor listen to you. Say NO when needed.
6. When you express yourself authentically you give others permission to do the same.
There’s something magnetic and aspirational about people who are authentic. When I interviewed women that seemed to be living their truth it always felt comforting because they lived in a world that was free from judgement. In return, just because of her presence, that allowed me to feel free to be myself and unjudged.
Wellness
7. Saying no to what brings you joy and peace causes friction in your spirit.
This is one of my favorite things that I’ve learned. Every time we say “No” to the desires of our heart there is a physical sensation that goes along with that. I’ve started to become more aware of my body and thoughts after I say yes or no to an offer. If my body begins to tense up or my thoughts feel heavy, that’s a cue to shift to what I’d prefer.
Personal Growth
8. One strategy for releasing expectations is to live as your future self today.
I recently saw a post on Instagram that I condensed to read, “When you’re feeling lost or unclear ask yourself ‘what would she do?’ She being your future self. The woman you aspire to be.” By visualizing your future self, you have an image of your true dreams. Start making that a reality today!
The journey towards living authentically isn’t easy but it’s a journey that can only be experienced by you. Always choose your joy, your peace, and your passion. After that, over time, things will start to fall into alignment.
You can follow Lauren on Instagram and Twitter at @IPWomanPodcast.
Check out Imperfectly Phenomenal Woman podcast on iTunes, Spotify, or anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Listen to Lauren’s solo episode, Refocus: You Can(‘t) Put Yourself First, on Imperfectly Phenomenal Woman podcast.